Friday, July 5, 2013

Sulking and other childish things

Not my best week ever. Oh, lots got done - nothing bad happened - but I've been off-kilter all week. NQR, as we would say about a horse.

Monday, I worked in the trainer's barn (two barns on the property, part of the same farm, one big year-round where Tris lives and one smaller summer barn where trainer bases the fancy horses, different barn managers and staff b/c they are technically separate businesses - it's actually much simpler than it seems). I did about 3.5 hours of turnout, mucking, watering, sweeping, etc. Not everyone crosses over between the barns and I was frankly flattered to be asked as handling a barn full of Grand Prix horses is not something everyone gets to do!

Then I dashed out to deposit a check (I still have moving hangover in re my banks, it's been an ongoing frustration) and got back to the barn in time to hop on Tris for 45 minutes before his massage. Massage went well, identified a few tight/hot spots and got some stretches/exercises to shore up his abs in particular. I described the weird LH wonkiness of last week to J., his masseuse, and she found some spots of tension in his left lower back and then found what can only be described as a divot, about the size of the tip of my pinkie, over his left SI joint. Like he'd gotten bit and had a chunk taken out of him only totally healed over, etc. She was worried that he'd pulled apart some scar tissue or done some other internal damage, though he was 100% unreactive to lots and lots of pressure and is 100% sound.

Cue worrying, and I hung around the barn for another two hours waiting for the vet who was due that afternoon to look at a few other horses. She felt all over and had me jog him and declared him 100%, but didn't have a good explanation for the divot. She suggested maybe we'd just missed it before and it looked ominous in the context of the LH problem, or that it had shifted slightly, but either way - no sensitivity, no soreness, no nothing. Keep on keeping on.

I spent about 9 hours total at the barn, and that was the last time I've been to the barn since. I worked two 12+ hour days in a row for our Independence day stuff at work (open long hours, playing historic children's games, and marching in a parade) and then on July 4 we opted not to drive 4.5 hours to my family in Maine to celebrate with them but instead stayed in Vermont and slept in.

The day kept winding on and I did some productive things (scrubbed a toilet, baked a loaf of bread, tidied up a bit) but mostly I lay about and felt blah. It has been unbelievably, insanely wet and hot and humid here these last few weeks and it has finally cascaded to me not wanting to move, on top of my long work week. No easing on the horizon for work, either, if anything more stress, and I never made it to the barn. I got fussy and cranky and succumbed to the useless/lazy feelings that have been dogging me all week and are out in force today. I'm furious at myself for sitting around on a day off and not riding, and setting his rehab schedule back, and generally not getting anything done around the house. Big ol' case of impostor syndrome all over the place.

Anyway. Back in the saddle tonight, and maybe I'll chase away some of the blues.


  1. I so sympathize on the cranky and blah - I've been feeling the same things, and the combination of hideous hot and sticky with lack of focus is killing me. I keep reading Hannah and thinking maybe I need to change disciplines for a while. Except I can't even think about riding when it is 94 freaking degrees.

  2. Hope the blues go away. I get like that too and it's not a fun feeling to break through.


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