I'm stuck on one of those horrible plateaus. I'm pretty sure this one's for good.

I'm not fit enough to do the things I want. I flop around like a dead fish in the saddle, ineffective bordering on interfering, and I am so stressed in every area of my life that my go-to response has been to ramp up with Tris. Escalation is no one's friend, and it just leads to me behaving poorly as a rider, and Tris tuning me out. Last night's lesson was the closest I've come to breaking down and crying right there in the saddle that I've ever come. I don't have time to go to the gym. I've started trying to do push-ups and sit-ups and stretches at home at night, and the number I can effectively accomplish is so pathetically small I can't even say it out loud.

I can't get down to the barn enough to really move forward. I just can't. If I went as often as I'd like a) I'd get fired, b) I'd flunk out of grad school and then c) what little social life I have would unravel entirely, not to mention Matt would probably get while the getting's good. Also, I'd be broke. I'm just barely keeping my head above water paying for gas for 4 trips or so a week, and carpooling with Hannah has been a huge help, but I am a bad enough rider that 4 trips a week isn't getting me anywhere.

I know that one of the cardinal rules of horses is not to compare yourself to others, but I can't help it. I get dangerously close to blaming my horse because - I love him more than life itself, more than anything, but he does not make this easy. He's difficult and not inclined to cooperate, and of course I can't blame him a bit, but it's hard when you're as selfish and petty as I am and day in and day out watch everyone else get their relaxed and through horses on the bit and Tris won't take the outside rein again. Some more. For years and years on top of years.

I'm juggling every.single.penny. to try to afford a dressage saddle this winter (and trailer repairs in the spring, and US Rider renewal, and supplements, and vet bills, and maybe some extra jumping lessons). I've convinced myself a dressage saddle will help. Deep down, I know it won't, because I'm not having saddle problems; I'm having basic lack-of-skills problems. It's not a magic fix, and it's probably not even a mundane fix.

In short: Dear Tristan, I'm sorry for breaking the #1 rule of horses and losing my temper. You deserve a better mom.

Two things.

First, last night, we had a super lesson. Stepping it up another notch.

Afterward, R. was watching Tris mug for treats from over his stall guard and said "You looked fantastic. Tris was hugely overstepping, and his back was swinging, and I looked at his face and he was all, I DON'T THINK THIS IS A GOOD IDEA. AT ALL." That's my pony.

Second, I'm very happy with my cheapo ice bandages: a multiple-cell flexible ice sheet from Kmart ($2.49 each), stuck to his legs with polo wraps. His fetlocks especially have been just a bit puffy all summer. Only occasionally heat, and he's not off, not sensitive, none of it, but...y'know if 10 extra minutes after tougher work tightens his legs up again, I'll do it. So far I've just done front but I'm going to pick up some more ice sheets and do his hind legs too, or at least have the capacity to do so after jumping especially.

Until now I've been using a half set of some sedate burgundy polos to wrap him. I have white and black polos already, but I am tempted to buy him a new set for wrapping.

The real question is...snakeskin or pink camo?

(It goes without saying that more suggestions for colorful polo wraps would be much appreciated!)

It's been a while, so I figured I should get back into things with two fantastic lessons in a row.


I've been working really, really hard the last few weeks to get my legs back and deeper. It's finally starting to pay off - it's starting to feel like a normal place for them to be instead of a painful stretch. The reward is that they're much more solid and effective, and that I can really access Tristan's hind end now, especially that sticky right hind.

In turn, he's never been better. His canter is really starting to have lift and spring to it, and he's flirting with really truly coming over his back in it. He's reaching for the bit, and his trot is just getting superb. He's developed a whole new level of confidence - if you'd asked me six months ago I would've said he was already a supremely confident horse. But I didn't take into account a certain kind of body awareness and confidence in his physical ability to handle the work - before, he was struggling with his own musculature and confirmed way of going, and now that we've eroded so much of that and replaced it with solid, good muscle and stretch and bend, he's starting to enjoy his own body in a way that's really neat to feel. He's still Tristan - he still gets snarky and snotty most of the time when I ask for new things - but that resistance is such a small fraction of what it used to be, and he comes out the other side much more willing to work with me.

So from last night's ride: once again, some lateral work in hand, then a 10+ minute march, march, march in the walk warmup, then collect it together for maybe 5 minutes, then into a loose trot. I really need to stop making excuses for not doing that every time. He goes SO much better and more forward than when I ask for more work earlier. 3/4 of the way through the warmup T. stopped us and said that he really, really liked about 99% of what we were doing with the warmup - we just needed a hair more tempo. I have to balance his tempo carefully in the warmup - too much and he'll happily run around like a lead weight in my hands, too little and he'll happily be all slinky with no actual push. So T. got us to just the right metronome click for his trot, which was indeed only a fraction more than what we'd been doing.

Lots and lots of lateral work in general in the actual ride. I'm flirting more and more with a proper shoulder-in. I can get the angle, and for maybe half-step I can really get the push from his hind end, but I can't sustain it, can't keep him steady in the angle when he adds in that push. We're getting closer and closer, though, and as I get more mobility in my lower leg I'll be better able still to keep the push and the angle corralled together. Lots of leg yield, too, which he is really nailing. He just needs to be kept up in his tempo through that, too - when he is he is just wonderful; when he isn't he chooses the easy way out and zips through his shoulder straight to the wall.

Not much fancy, but just a lot of good, correct work, at the end of which T. was effusive (!) in his praise, saying that my hard work on my legs had clearly paid off, that we had taken it to a whole new level, and he was thrilled with our progress. :D


I have the week off and had asked for an extra lesson, if possible a XC school, and J. obliged by putting me in a noon lesson today. I started off nervous - it was extremely hot, I was running a bit late due to unexpected construction traffic, and the other horse in the ring was a big leggy beautiful Thoroughbred, impeccably turned out, rider ditto. (I found out later they're from the Vineyard, which...made retroactive sense.)

It didn't help that Tris was sluggish to start, wouldn't walk on, and then when I asked for the canter, got hoppy - I'm sure he was a bit sore from last night. I pushed him through into a long rein canter around the ring, got off his back, then brought him back and started over. I didn't get him to a *great* place, but I felt at least a teensy bit more confident at the end.

I completely ate the warmup 18" crossrail, twice, until T. got on me about my leg, and we cantered it, and Tris fiiiiinally woke up. "Oh! We're jumping! Okay, I'll go forward for that." We only did 2-3 courses, enough to get jumping on the brain. I did the same courses as the other woman, who is I would bet running around Novice, which was...intimidating, but a nice vote of confidence. Tris was awesome, of course, even when I saw a long distance, he disagreed and took *me* to the base, and then I gulped, planted my hands on his neck, and leaned like crazy. He propped us both up and over, and I got a lecture about not counting on my horse to save me.

Then, out to the back XC fields. A bit of a run around to warm up, and bless my horse, he was completely unconcerned about the loud mower going in the next field. We played around with some small courses. Tris was, of course, a super star. I ate a few fences, one in the same way I did in the ring (got it on my second try later) and...well...no excuse for the other two.

Tris popped right over the ditch, so our next "just to check in" was to "go play on the banks." Okay. I decided (somehow? why?) to canter off the medium sized one to start off with. My little mustang went "WHOOOOOOOOO," launched into mid-air, and landed bucking to kingdom come. I started laughing too hard to pull him up for 2-3 strides, till Tom yelled "GET. HIS. HEAD. UP." and then I was sent back to walk down the bank many times to think about what I'd done. Tris stepped off quietly and beautifully, of course. Sigh. Then up a couple of times, and then we were allowed to trot down. Good pony. Idiot rider.

My crowning moment, though, was on my last run. I was not doing especially well with the heat, and had been drinking water, but was still getting pins-and-needles in my face and a bit wobbly in my legs and arms. I began to feel better just as T. called out our last run, and - I bucked up and went for it. Sent Tris down the long side in a nice gallop - he was tired, too, and getting a little strong - over the gate, then up and around to the coop. And, okay, first the coop had been tweaking me all day - it is very straight, and decently sized (to my eye anyway) and obviously it jumped fine but every time we approached it all I could think was "big!" and I'd had some wobbly moments with it earlier.

My course was coop to down bank, and the bank was on a slight offset angle from the coop, and in my head as I made the turn I was thinking "stay on the left side of the coop, that'll make it easier to take a straight line to the drop," and somehow on the rollback from the gate that turned into a line that was...to the left of the fence. Tristan galloped past quite cheerfully, then turned quite cheerfully, and then I damn well went over the middle of the fence the next time. (Cheerfully, of course...)

We nailed the rest of the fences, including one that I didn't realize was on the skinny side until I approached it - a sort of garden stand series of steps. He didn't blink at anything, no matter how airy or how reflective or even for that matter, the ditch. The steps were set at the bottom of a fair hill, and he started rushing it a bit, tired again, and not wanting to bring his hocks up downhil, and I stood up slightly, and wow, it was so easy to reach down and half halt through my core, then sweet as you please get back into position, hold him with my hands and bring him up with my leg. It was like some kind of karmic payback for the stupid decisions I'd made earlier: all of a sudden I was making exactly the right decisions, in the 5 seconds or so before the fence, on pure instinct, and my God, he nailed that fence.

In conclusion: best horse ever.

Didn't head down to the barn until after the World Cup, so I got there verrrry late and had the ring all to myself, which was good: I was concentrating too much on him to have navigated any kind of ring traffic.


While pulling out boxes of kitchen stuff to sort through for the new apartment, I ended up doing a bit of re-sorting of Tristan's stuff, which meant that I was moving his other saddles a lot. I have three saddles in all: his everyday saddle, a Passier all-purpose that suits both of us well but desperately needs to be reflocked; a Wintec 2000 with changeable gullets that I bought for 70% off thinking of trail-riding; and an old, old, old (1940s) dressage saddle that I adore beyond words but will probably never be usable. It's a beautiful caramel cover, has a shallower seat than anything I've ever ridden in, only the tiniest hint of knee rolls and no thigh rolls, and I think the tree is in serious trouble. It creaks. There's also no padding left in the seat - you can feel your seatbones slide around *inside* the tree when sitting in it. Someday, if I have a few hundred dollars to spare, I'll have someone really look at it, but for now...

Anyway: I had the Wintec in storage because it never quite fit him right; the gullets were either too wide or too narrow. It was a good trail saddle, but it didn't make sense to keep it around just for that. Tonight, I looked at it again. He's really been bulking up around his withers lately, starting some muscles just behind the point of the wither that will, with time, really travel down his spine and give him more of a back. (They were my new favorite muscles two weeks ago; this week it's the filled in musculature just above his hocks - pony's learning how to sit!)

I liked it better immediately after putting it on his back; still not perfect, but it was settling better behind his shoulders than the Passier. Getting up I had to tweak the stirrups down a few holes; it still took some getting used to. It's far more built up the Passier, and it actually has padding instead of rock-hard leather. Consequently, it took some time for me to feel as deep in my seat and legs as the Passier lets me be right away. I never quite got the seat there, but once I got my legs settled it in I found that they were actually set better than on the Passier - whopping knee rolls on the Wintec, and the stirrup bars back a bit too, I think.

Ride went really, REALLY well. I think it was a bit of a perfect storm of three factors: first, he really is starting to go better and better, putting some air time and reach in his gaits and give me his back earlier and easier. Second, WOW did I have my leg on. Not until they got quite muscle-tired was I tempted to jack them up and go after him with my heel. Other than that, inner calf all the way. Which was both the saddle and the fruit that's finally starting to bear from T.'s incessant body mechanics talks and my own furious determination to work on my legs. Third, I do think the saddle frees up his shoulders quite a bit more - he was much looser much earlier through the base of his neck than he has ever been.

Cons: I didn't quite get his hind end the way I wanted it to. It was allllmost there, but not all the way. Should've gone for a few more leg-yields to really get the hind end moving.

Canter, though? Best it's ever been. Which is an excellent trend! Even got the right lead bending and through after some long discussion.

Will ride in the Wintec with T. on Tuesday night - we'll see what he thinks! Unless he has objections, I think I'll ride in it for the foreseeable future, ie until I can afford to get the Passier reflocked.

Playing catch up again...

Let's see.

Flatwork: We've been experimenting with a better level of collection which has us running into the age-old conundrum of ruining the mediocre now in order to make the next step better. Which is HARD. And always frustrating. We're trucking along pretty well now with acceptance of the bit and some stretch and looseness and reach, really good at walk and trot, building solidly at the canter, can't I just settle in with that and have a horse that's already 200% better than he was this time last year?

No. Not really. So: really setting the outside aids, lift off the inside leg, keep the bend, teasing out more and more pieces of true self-carriage, stay there even when Tristan insists he's dying, and start to get glimpses and pieces of it actually coming together for one or two strides. Back on the uphill climb part of the training plateau, where we'd been coasting the surface for a long time smoothing out the bumps and making sure his brain was coming, too.

Riding is such a humbling experience sometimes. So many people have told me "oh, it's just sitting on a horse, I could learn to do that in 20 minutes." Yes. You probably could, I tell them. I could sit you on a horse, and if you're already a reasonably athletic, coordinated person, I bet I could get you w/t in 20 minutes, and if you're very good, canter in half an hour. Then you'll spend the rest of your life trying to make it *good.* And that's the part that a lot of people don't get, refuse to understand. It's also the part that I find completely addicting.

Conditioning: We've started actually working on hills and terrain, really putting the galloping track to good use. March up, march down, then again with leg yields back and forth across the narrow-ish track. Trot up, trot down, if not on the bit then at least stretching and using the body, keeping the march uphill and the balance downhill. Ditto with leg yields. Canter with cadence and balance and a wee bit of stretch. Gallop with my position opening and closing, rating the speed and then coming back, strong half-halts to try and lift what is still a very flat gait. He really enjoys this work, and is always quite chuffed and strutting afterward.


Short version - LOVED IT.

Long version - LOVED IT. Once Tristan stopped trying to bolt. Which really was never anything *bad*, just him expressing his opinion and me temporarily getting up in my head and forgetting that yeah, I can too keep my leg on and control that outside shoulder no matter how much he tries to convince me I can't. And it was never anything but him needing to say "I still need to say HELL NO first, mom, don't you ever forget that."

Because really, once he got over that - and it was just the initial gallop 'round - he was WONDERFUL. Even a tetch lazy, not quiiiiite dragging me to fences like he had last time, which I chalk up to a week-long effort to tire him out. And it meant I got the opportunity to push him to a few fences, which was a-okay with me to practice. Jumped everything happily, only a split-second looky at the water, popped over ditches and banks calmly and quietly, so sensible about things that the clinician said admiringly "He's really kind of cool, isn't he?" Which pretty much made my day. Another rider was admiring him too, someone who really knows her horses, and I was SO PROUD of my little mustang.

In short, not preoccupying myself with what he was going to do meant we both got to buckle down and really learn. About jumping fences downhill - leg on, open the body a bit for balance, keep his hocks under him. About really packaging the canter for an up bank. About slipping the reins and finding gravity with my feet for down banks. About softening for a bit after an uphill fence to keep momentum. About focusing my eyes just beyond, but not too far beyond, a fence to encourage a better flow for the whole thing. About trusting him to work out his distances a bit once I've found our canter and show him how to carry himself up to the fence.

Biggest "best pony ever" moment of the day might have been when we were asked to lead another balky horse through the water. Yeah. Tristan. Who thinks water is the devil, who had to have another horse lead him through this exact water four weeks ago. Marched right through in front of this little mare, only a hair-second thought of taking a drink, and then waited, standing quietly, in the water. SO PROUD of him.

In short, as always, best. pony. ever.